Over the pond

I came across a photo of you today. It was an accident. I did not want to at the time. I was watching a movie that was not the most uplifting and I was sitting on my bed, alone in my room. Those are not the moments I want to think about you.

I admit there are times I have purposely looked at your social networking profiles. It is the only way I have seen you in a couple months now. I really do hope you are well and living life to the fullest. And I really did want to know how life was when I sent you that message. I may have acted mad to others or as though I did not care when you read it and chose not to respond… but it hurt a little bit. As though something I had done to you was so bad that you wanted nothing to do with me. Not even a simple, cliche response to a sincere message. I tried, I suppose that is all I can really do.

I do not miss the way things were. I sometimes miss the companion, the way things could have been. But it was clearly never meant to be. I certainly do not regret trying. If those times had not occurred I do not think I would be living life the way I am now. I grew during that time, and it was apparent more so after it all had come and gone. I am okay being “alone” for now. I am looking forward to growing. To learning who I really am. I am looking forward to something real one day, yes, but I am okay for now. Something I was not before I met you. And I thank you for the lines you were a part of in the story of my life.

This is not a day I wanted to come across a photo of you. The somewhat painful lump in my throat is proof of that. I do not miss you. I do not even miss the short lived “us”. But for some reason I caught a glimpse of your face on the computer screen at the wrong time. The wrong moment.

I do hope you are well. I do hope you have forgiven me for whatever it is I must have done to you for you to treat me the way you did in the end.

I have forgiven you.

I have moved on.
These are not tears over you or the loss of you in my life. Quite frankly, I’m not sure what these tears are the product of. Maybe it was the movie being home a lot today. Or maybe it is The Album Leaf’s chilling music.

There is much of life ahead.

Part of me hopes that one day, in all the life ahead of me, I may pass you by. I hope it is a peaceful meeting. I hope that we can converse as friends and if all we leave with are high fives or hand shakes, as long as it is peaceful I will be okay with it.

Here’s to the life ahead of me, sans you.
Here’s to the life ahead of you, sans me.

{-Rads}