Middle School

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I remember the first boy that liked me. Well, I think he liked me. That or he just wanted to take me to the “Valentine’s Social” for the heck of it. We were in 6th grade. My second year at Lighthouse. We were in Mrs. Shepherd-turned-Duncan’s class. I was pretty chubby, but was learning that most people could look past that and be my friend anyways; even the skinny, popular girls. The Beta Club would put on these horrible Valentine’s Day socials. I was part of the Beta Club, so that was the only reason I ever went and I believe I only attended the following year.

Kenny Bain. I can’t recall the exact spelling of his name, mostly because this was a very one sided liking. And it was all on his side. He was chubby too, so maybe my appearance gave him the impression he’d have a chance. And who knows, maybe if I actually had an ounce of self confidence at that age he would have had someone to go to this pathetic social event with. But alas, I could never fully take people serious about that sort of stuff back then, so I tried my best to ignore it and act like nothing was happening. Or else I’d be the fool who believed it. I think I was outside on the bench by the water fountain. Probably with Ashley or Sarah. It may have been recess or one of the many extended lunches that went all afternoon. Whatever it was, someone told me “Kenny wants to go to the Valentine’s Day social with you”. I was probably embarrassed, though I doubt I showed it. So I ignored it all and probably did a pretty good job ignoring him as well. Which is harder than you think when you go to a school of 150 or less and are stuck in a classroom all day with the same 20something kids. Come to think of it, maybe this was all in 5th grade… That’s not the point. Actually, there really is no point to any of that.

Maybe this: When you lack all confidence in yourself, you’ll never be able to believe someone likes you. You’ll shrug it off and ignore it. Because all you can think and believe is that no one would or could like you, far less adore and love you. So you continue on, never giving guys a thought. You become more like a brother to most of them rather than a prospect, which at that age is better anyways, although being like a sister is probably a better idea. You know you don’t have a chance with these guys, so the closest you’ll get to them is them being like a brother to you. There’s nothing wrong with that, if you have self-confidence and enough self-respect to know that you are worthy of the adoration and love of someone. And it may be in the near future, or you could have lots of quality alone time left. But as long as you know you are worthy…. well, that’s better than all the second glances in the world.

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