I read my good friend’s blog this afternoon. Go ahead and read her post below. Then maybe, if you still want to, read what I’m about to write.
I’m the opposite. I am not afraid of commitment, at least not that I know of yet. Maybe it’s somewhere inside of me, and the fear hasn’t risen to the surface yet. Though, I doubt that, as it’s had several chances to surface through a couple relationships.
But like I said, commitment- I want that. I want a person to be committed to me. I want to be committed to another person. And maybe that just makes me sound lonely or needy. But I don’t think that’s the case. Yes, we all know I was a little desperate not too long ago. However, for what may be the first time, I’m okay with my singleness. I’m okay with not settling on just anyone so as to not be alone.
Again with the commitment:
I’m all for jumping right into it. You- my boyfriend. I- your girlfriend. And we’ll see where it goes. Of course, I am for being friends first. At least knowing the person for a bit of time. But then again, I’ve always thought about it being the right time. Just clicking with the person.
So basically… I don’t know.
Not how it went last time. A lot of unsure feelings. A lot of regressions. A complete lack of commitment. I know people have pasts that prevent them from being able to totally commit or trust someone. But if the person’s right, it should eventually become easier for you to commit, to trust.
I realized I don’t like dating. I don’t want to go out on multiple dates with you, just to date you so we can see if we like each other. I don’t want to drag something on that is never certain. I don’t want to “date” you for any length of time if a relationship is never going to become of it. I realize it is important to know the person before jumping into a relationship, but I think that can be achieved by friendship. Then, if things don’t work out, even after a relationship, you can at least still be friends, if it ends well. But if all you ever do is date then it would be much harder to form a friendship after you end the dating or relationship. This I know.
I think I’m too quick to be committed to someone. I was committed to my first boyfriend. Quite possibly way too committed. I gave him every opportunity to spend time with me. I offered to pick him up anytime. Get anything for him. It was a very immature relationship. I’m not sure how I let myself get into it, but I did, and I learned from it.
The last relationship.. I was always willing to drive to see him. Stay late at his house knowing I had an hour drive ahead of me. I put him first, in my mind. I wanted the best for him.
While those are petty commitments compared to true, intense relationship commitments; I still don’t think I’m afraid of commitment. I wasn’t given the chance to be very committed in past relationships because they ended before I got the chance. Although, I was, as far as I thought, committed to those people from the beginning. And even though they didn’t last relatively long, well, it was just better that they didn’t…
I started this three days ago, I think.
Maybe my thoughts will make more sense on my next post.
Love and Clouds,
Rads
